My deepest wounds
For years, not just this lifetime but multiple lifetimes I hid my gifts. I hid my gifts not only from my own trauma and childhood and social conditioning but from a karmic dept I had inherited; having retrieved deep seated memories of having my spiritual powers exploited and abused. For eons we have been taught that God is all male and is void of Shakti ( Goddess). This could not be far from the truth. And here I am having past life visions of having my tongue ripped out, being raped, demeaned and burned at the stake because of carrying an inner soul code of a mid-wife and sexual priestess. I share this vulnerably because I know I am not alone, I have witnessed hundreds of women who like myself silenced their power from carrying imprints of being killed because of rampant patriarchal conditioning which is still lingering in our DNA today. Truthfully it has taken me years to be present enough to lean into this ancient feminine wound and give it the space and love that it needs, which is an ever evolving self-loving ritual. What I have learned is that she did not want to be ignored, suffocated, silenced, numbed or shut down. She actually needed to feel and be felt, to breathe and be breathed into, to love and be loved, to dance and be danced, to hold and be held. Ultimately she wanted freedom to be her unapologetic self. I believe we as a feminine collective right now are shedding this old suppressive skin whether we are conscious of it or not because Mother Earth will not have it any other way. I truly believe that if you are woman in this lifetime and you are here reading these words then I know you are on a mission to dig deeper and extract the longing of your soul because the call to shift and purge out the old stories of the wounded feminine lies within our universal wombs and hearts. I created sistars of light not just because of my own personal challenges but because of a collective distracting void in how I feel we relate to the earth and each other. In all honesty I believe our unwillingness to feel raw emotion is the root cause of our suffering. We have grown so disconnected from our own hearts that we have forgotten what it feels like to be ourselves and trust in the permission of feeling from our own hearts. My own healing journey has been a turbulent ride of ascension. A journey which has required relentless courage to shatter the shadows of darkness and fears within me. I have been demolished and cleared out many times. The unbecoming and unlearning of myself over and over again has proved painfully purposeful. Upgrading and unleveling is not an easy process, its uncomfortable as f*** to resurrect and grow closer to our creator within. For me personally I took a lot of off the grid inward. I bathed in emptiness, stillness and integration. I took the time to listen and ask what is being asked of me. Which is the bigger reason for why I am here today with you, a double mission, which is to raise the vibration of Gaia, (Mother Earth).
the call of the mother
in 2012 I enrolled at a women’s retreat in the desert. We were a total of twenty five empowered women dancing our naked bodies under the night sky. Barefoot and hungry to connect with the earth. We invoked the spirit of elemental wisdom that night, with each of us sharing part of us to the circle that we hadn’t even met ourselves. I witnessed layer by layer each women surrender to the melting pot of fire within her as she expressed herself through dance and ritual. I was coherent and aware of my surroundings for a fair while and then my real journey began, and I dropped beneath the surface. I shifted into a metaphysical state, journeying between the realms of the physical and spirit dimensions. I started vibrating and I felt a heartbeat, it came from the earth, I looked down at my feet and a huge black whole opened in the earth and I fell into a vacuum beneath me. Oddly I was not afraid, I was embraced by darkness and silence. I was curious, “What was underneath here?” my mind asked, I felt an overbearing heat blaze through my body. It began at my feet, I could not control it, it rose up my legs, I started to sweat profusely, and I heard the words of a feminine voice. I knew it was the voice of the mother. She revealed to me at first her rage, I saw the most terrifying flames, they were turbulent and volatile and moving fast and chaotic, her force was un-comprehendable, she felt dis-traught and upset, I started crying uncontrollably. I knew she was showing me her pain, it was horrific and excruciating, it tore at my insides and pulled at my creation centre (womb). A shuddering sensation emerged from the centre of my chest and I heard this loud crack from inside my heart, I can still hear this sound today as I write these words out to you; I felt my womb contract and the most concerning ache for our people and the earth, she was bleeding from the inside. I knew I was meant to witness this. The memories of leaving the earth and feeling abandoned from above came flooding back, I saw myself inside a cosmic egg, the egg was glowing, the texture of the skin around it seemed to have a very fine opalescent sheath like skin, with information encoded and it was shimmering some kind of light language, I saw symbols in the skin the words were moving. The egg definitely did not feel from earth and there was an umbilical chord attached to me inside the egg and the chord travelled all the way up into the cosmic starry night above, this chord was still alive and moving. I was the embryo inside the egg, my eyes were closed and I was restfully sleeping. I was not born yet, not in this plane anyway. I could not believe what I was seeing. Witnessing myself in this egg triggered deep sadness of a knowing abandonment within me. I always knew from young I was sent here. I wrote a letter to the spirit of the Mother after we danced; I remember my voice trembling as I shared my words amongst the other women and witnessing their faces flush red will be a memory I will never forget. This was the face of the mothers fire. We are all connected to her, I felt like my words were speaking on behalf of the earth and all the women in that group. I was being used . The release was like a spiritual purging, I went through several hours of unbearable heaviness, like a dull after tremor from an earthquake. What I believe I experienced today that evening was a call from the mother to come home into her body, into my body. I woke the next day feeling this strong magnetic pull to the earth, I felt her energy flowing from my feet and this innate call to ground with her. So I followed this calling and settled onto her bare body of soil. With my feet firmly planted I sensed her universal rhythm penetrate from the earth into my feet, up through my legs and spine, and enter into my central nervous system and body. I felt an electrical charge, like I had been reincarnated. I was not the same person. I felt renewed and restored. And most present with the earth than I have ever felt on earth in this lifetime. I felt softer and vulnerable. My heart had been cracked open. The divine mother had gifted me vulnerability. Since then I have developed more awareness, integration and inner experimentation with managing my new heart. The days and weeks and months after, I witnessed old particles inside of me disintegrating and reshuffling, it felt like all of my atoms were re-aligning and re-programming. One thing I know for certain is that I journeyed down into the earth that day to complete my mission in coming home into my body. It was time and it felt orchestrated; I was handed a divine bridge from heaven to heal my wounds of abandonment and set myself free. I have had to re-learn so much, it has been an adjustment trying on my new capacity to open whilst implementing reinforced boundaries that are now more easily accessible because I am more rooted in my physical body. It has been empowering nonetheless and I am no longer limiting my vulnerability and transparency through fear because I am whole and stronger in my centre. I could have never imagined this level of openess before because I was not fully allowing myself to have a physical experience. To be honest I was scared of deeply feeling. And this fear stemmed from abandonment.
Since my early teens I always faced jealous women who struggled being around me. In my presence their insecurities and inadequacies would rise. And then in my late twenties I faced one very traumatic incident with a woman who went to extreme malicious actions to manipulate, control and betray me for her own selfish needs and power. I knew this stemmed from deep pain within her. These imbalances with women kept recurring in my life, whether extreme or little until one day I could not take the pain anymore, I prayed to inner higher self and my creator and asked for emotional clarity and guidance. I took a long hard look at myself and why I was attracting these relationships. I asked what is the purpose of attracting these jealous tendencies? I heard to keep me little and small. I asked how am I showing up in a relationship to them? I heard I am showing up in fear and low self-worth. I asked, what energy am I emitting that is inviting them into my personal space and orbit? I am emitting a belief that I don’t believe in my power. I knew deep down it was my own inadequate self worth as a woman that was creating the insecure and jealous mirror in-front of me. I knew I was ultimately responsible for these experiences which were teaching me to set boundaries and hold myself in higher regard, standard and power, How could I lean in closer and nurture what was void and lacking within me, what was I avoiding and not feeling within my own feminine being and essence as a woman? I heard you need to love yourself Samantha and learn to believe in yourself. What needed to feel loved, seen and held from within me? What needed more attention? I had to face the deep wound of the false feminine within myself first. And this was the beginning of my self love ritual. I started journaling and gave myself space to channel all my feelings that arose. Whenever I felt the need to breathe and move, I gave my feminine a voice. I remember all the gems that I had learned in ritual with the elements and divine mother and her capacity to love beyond all reason, and ultimately honor feeling and the heart of the feminine. I remembered how she owned her truth and story, just like I am being an example of that here, by being raw and transparent with you. For how she owned her power and light and not dimmed it for nobody. I saw how I was doing this in all my relationships. I saw how I would dim my light with women because I sensed it would make them feel uncomfortable. I decided that this behaviour was not acceptable and that I wanted to set an example for women to own their light and power. I felt called to do it. Yet I needed to show up for myself first more I asked my heart and body what would love do now and how would love act in the face of this situation. And she said SHINE and LOVE not matter what. Remain as yourself, who will fall away will fall away, and who is meant to grow will grow with you and do the work to stay in the relationship. This internal enquiry and dialogue I had with my heart grew stronger and clearer everyday, my heart became my divine compass. I would ask her what she needed everyday. We grew to be lovers. She became my eternal oracle and lover. And in my commitment to loving myself more, my outer reality transformed, women started to flock and in alignment with my vibration, they showed genuine, real and with integrity and respect. I remember counting on my hand one day 4 conscious women who were supporting not only me but my purpose and leaping in joy for my success. I knew if I could call in 4 women of integrity I could create a needed a sistarhood that women hungered for. I saw the gap and for sacred sisterhood in my community. The excitement to create just levelled up to the sacred grid I was seeing between my own soul wounds, transformational process and the higher mission I was here to serve. They all were connected; my priestess ancestral lines, the insecurity and fears of being truly vulnerable, worthy and seen in my power. All of it was preparing me to step deeper into my purpose and serve Gaia and the planet. The wound I had opened was actually the gift that was stretching myself for a higher frequency, I felt the divine mother stretching me so wide, she was preparing me for the hundreds of women being orchestrated my way. I saw myself leading sound journeys, elemental rituals, dance journeys, retreats in the mountains at sacred potent spots on the planet. At first it frightened me, but I had to give all that fear up to the divine, because I would not see this if I was not chosen to create it. So I continued one step forward with a new heart, and soaring visionary eye to serve and be used for building a beautiful new earth.
Rise Sistar Rise
The call to rise in sistarhood has encapsulated me. It is a force that has a power of its own. Its presence is vast and unlimited and universal, My own voice became the voice of source guiding and aligning me through every turn and curve. When the divine feminine calls you, she will summon you to rise. She will shock your approach with an electrical current that will shift your priorities, change your perspective and your values. What may seem real now will not be real tomorrow because she will re-align everything that is in the way of doing your sacred work. When you know you have been called you will feel it deep in your veins and every cell of your waking body will vibrate. I listen from my womb and heart first, everything else comes second. I am very aware that my life calling is very unique and different and this life is not for everyone. I have faced moments of critical death and re-birth. Thats not to say you cannot live this life too. I am sharing this with you because if you feel called to the feminine path, for the love of holy please do not let that inner call linger and grow dull, seek your sistarhood tribe out, and once you find them let them hold you, let them witness your tears and your pain. If the creator has placed a vision in your heart, then do not doubt, just wait, it is always in divine timing, if this is for you, trust me you will find your sistarhood. I was sought after my tribe and travelled countries to find them. I was so inspired that I build the vision to create and build my awakening women’s circles for the benefit of my local community. Sistars Of Light was born and birthed from this hunger alone, of not having a safe space to share and be heard. This self-initiation that I embodied is the fierce force which I am talking about above; when a sistar rises she rises. She does not stop at anything, she digs deep and believes all the way, she may fall down into a cave or hole but she will get back up even stronger and serve the dream with a determination more stronger than when she fell. This is the power of sistars rising. She is here to serve the greater dream and create heaven on earth
The sacred pilgrimage
Travel has played a huge important piece in my development and evolution as a woman here on this planet. I believe it has every ounce of significance in my soul purpose because our divine mother earth holds sacred key lines and information locked and hidden in secret parts of the world. The myths of the Bermuda Triangle I believe to be so much more. The city of light in Peru, and ancient city connected to the constellation of Pleiades. All we have to do is ask for guidance and listen to the wise information being delievered.. Throughout my life I have been ushered to sacred vortex and energetic grid spots all over the world to gather ancient and remember past lives. I have received initiations in Greece Thailand, Bermuda, Bali, Costa Rica, Peru and Hawaii. Each country I have studied under spiritual teachers who were contracted to help me develop soulfully and shared the same vision as I to create a new paradigm. I had always imagined heaven on earth as a child. And it was incredibly needed for me to find other tribes with the same passion, vision and dedication like I. I was seeking support and a tribe frown youg. I also realised through visiting these different points on the planet that I was remembering a sunken consciousness. I always knew at heart we had all forgotten an ancient sacred way of being of the planet, I found it sad that people of our earth have forgotten to believe. My soul hungered to change this and co -create a new frequency with like-minded visionaries and seers like myself. This is what motivated me to embrace on this pilgrimages, not only to see different landscapes and cultures but for a very specific mission to remember ancient aspects of myself so I could awaken and use this gifts with my mission.
What is my secret
It all begins with self love, from here anything can be born, from self-confidence, self-worth, self-value, self-acceptance, self-care, self-empowerment, self-pleasure and self-awareness. Self love is the seed that grows everything else after. Then it is unto us to master and grow by nurturing it daily. Once I planted my seed of self love and started watering her, the world around me and reality started changing. Because I was the one broadcasting it. We have to believe in ourselves. Nobody can live our lives for us, we have to stand up for ourselves and say yes to our dreams and desires, and that includes saying no to what is not in alignment. Listening to my heart and trusting my intuition has played a huge part in my success. I am so grateful my well honed perception and psychic sense. It has never steered me wrong. And dance, dance has been my therapy and my release for when I could not find the words to speak. And having a sacred circle of sistars who understand, see and value me. The moment I chose to commit myself to my soul purpose is and when everything in my life started to take off. Our divine birthright actually vibrates its own universal energy just like the magnetic law of attraction, when we vibrate our own innate essence we draw into our atmosphere all which lives in harmonic freedom and alignment to it.
This is when our soul feels ecstatic joy and draws in our soul tribe. This is when we really claim our divine power because we are rooted in reverence and integrity. We emit a discerning watchfulness and knowingness that energetically claims and fills the space to what we stand for.
I believe that you have a powerful message to share with the world.
I believe that the brighter you SHINE, the brighter our Planet will be.
I believe that one single ripple in our ocean affects the entire ocean, and that includes your thoughts, yours words, your actions, and how you serve.
I believe that when we return back to the circle, gathering around a fire and singing and chanting and enjoying life's moments will be what will save our earth.
It's how the ancient medicine people served many moons ago.
I am here to remind you that you were never separate and everything that is, in-fact is a lie.
Let us build our new star- tribes together.
I love you,